When you move abroad, people think you’ll just blend in and become someone new. But honestly, it’s way more confusing than that.
A psychologist named John Berry once said it kind of comes down to two questions:
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Do you want to keep your original culture?
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Do you want to adopt the new culture?
Depending on how you feel, people usually fall into four categories:
Integration – when you keep your roots but also start feeling at home in the new culture.
Separation – when you stick to your home culture and keep the new one at a distance.
Assimilation – when you try to completely fit in and leave your old culture behind.
Marginalisation – when you feel like you don’t fully belong anywhere. This one hurts the most.
But life doesn’t work in neat boxes. You can be one person at home and a totally different person at school. You can miss your old country and still love your new one.
I moved to another country as a kid and returned home as a teenager, and I’ve definitely felt all four of these phases. I wanted to fit in, I missed my old life, and sometimes I felt between two worlds. But looking back, that mix of cultures shaped who I am in a really unique and positive way.
What I’ve learned is that identity is not permanent. It shifts. It grows. It gets messy. And that’s okay.
Researchers say integration, mixing both cultures, usually feels the healthiest. But honestly, I think the most important thing is feeling like you are allowed to exist in your own mix of cultures.
